5 Tips to Teach Your Child to Share

I was standing at the door one morning as a child entered eating a breakfast roll. I jokingly asked if I could have a bite, to which the response was a resounding ”NO!” The mom told her child that it is nice to share, but the child insisted that “Mommy we are not supposed to share food!”.
In fact, young children do not yet grasp the concept of sharing. It is a complex developmental task. Here are a few tips on modeling teaching your child to share.

Too Young to Share?

If you’ve ever taken your young child to a public playspace you’ve undoubtedly heard parents or nannies barking at their little companion to share.

“Share, Frances!” “Arthur, you need to share!”

But there’s a difference between telling your child to share at playtime and teaching and modeling sharing behaviors to your child.

Sharing is so difficult for little ones because it involves so many of the big hard skills that they just haven’t mastered yet: self-regulation, communication, patience and empathy. They’re difficult concepts, and for that reason, sharing truly is a developmental milestone.

Before the age of 3.5, in fact, children really aren’t even able to wrap their minds around the concept of sharing, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics

“Sharing is complex and something children aren’t ready for developmentally and cognitively until about the age of four – and for some children older,” says Rachel Duda, VP of Learning at Vivvi. “If your child isn’t doing this yet at the age of 2 or 3 it is not something to be concerned about, because they’re not developmentally ready.” 

Before they get to this milestone though, she says, “It is important that grownups model sharing in everyday life and narrate and name what’s happening.”

Here are five steps to help you model and teach sharing to your child during playtime:

 

No Grabbing Please

Imagine being lost in a world of play with a toy and then another kid (or grown up!) grabs it and takes it away. Ouch! That can be so upsetting and disruptive. Sharing and taking turns is so much easier when there’s a firm No Snatching rule in place.

For a child that can understand fairness, this concept can be discussed: snatching never feels fair and little children really desire a sense of fairness. For a child not yet able to comprehend that, a little parenting redirection can help. When a snatch happens, help the child responsible give the toy back to the child who had it first and then help them negotiate sharing using the steps that follow this one.

Admittedly as parents, sometimes we need to pick up our child’s toys and get them out the door or in the bed—even when they don’t want us to do it. But here, we suggest giving your child warnings. “Two more minutes with the blocks before bedtime,” etc.

 

Complete their Play

When your young child is playing with blocks or dolls or pots and pans, they have a game at play. Although everyone else may be completely oblivious to what they’re doing, your young child has developed rules and missions and feelings for this game in their mind. And they’d really, really like to finish it before they have to give it to the next child in line. You can understand that, right?

Help them come to a natural completion of their play before they pass the toy off by allowing them the time and space they need to finish their game.

 

Put a time frame On It

You can help your child find a natural completion to their play by asking them how much longer they need. Would your child like one, two or three more minutes with their toy before they share it?

For example, you’d say, “Mila, it really seems like Libby would like a turn with that doll. How much longer would you like with a doll to finish up your game?”

If Mila says “I don’t want to share” you can remind her that she gets to choose how much longer she gets with the doll. Would she like one, two or three minutes?

 

Taking Turns

Once you’ve navigated your way through the initial share, you may see this is a toy many children are interested in having a turn with.

Help them figure out an order for their share rotation – who goes first, second, third. You may find the children organically play and pass off to the next child without any interference necessary. Yippee! If that isn’t the case, you have a few options. You can remind each child, “one more minute then pass to Elsie,” or you can bring out a timer.

Tip: Make sure to narrate and thank children for showing kindness. “Gigi, you passed the toy to Leon so gently! Great job!”

 

Give your child freedom to create the play on their own terms – but also are available to help with conflict resolution when needed.

 

Kathleen Visconti

Head of School

10 Reasons You Should Choose Chinese Immersion For Your Children

Why encourage your child to learn Chinese? Research shows learning other languages has cognitive and cultural benefits on developing minds. It also strengthens our sense of global awareness and unity, in and outside the classroom! Each language has its own unique benefits, and Mandarin’s are numerous. Some believe that learning Chinese is one of the best investments you can make! 

 

1/Chinese is the native language for 20% of the world’s population

Learning Chinese creates an immediate connection between your child and 1/5 of the world’s population.  That’s amazing!  Even if you have no plans to set foot in a Chinese-speaking country any time soon, there are nearly 50 million Chinese who live outside of China.

 

2/Chinese isn’t phonics based.  Learning it is memory-intensive

Kids have the best memory capacities in the world.  The Chinese language isn’t phonics-based so you can’t learn a small set of alphabets/sounds and be able to read the language.  It’s all memorization so the sooner your kids start, the better. Learning Chinese will strongly develop your child’s memorization skills. 

 

3/ Chinese will give English-speaking children a different paradigm for thinking

Languages affect the way we think, and therefore our perspectives.  Giving kids a different language, particularly one so different from their native tongue, means we are also giving them a different paradigm for thinking.  Bilingual kids are more likely to see things from different perspectives.  They are more likely to be emphatic with others.

 

4/ Learning the Chinese language is the prerequisite for learning the Chinese culture and history

Language shapes our cultures.  For example the Japanese/Korean language retains its various forms of politeness, which reinforces the hierarchical order in their societies.  Asian languages tend to be more subtle while the English language is much more direct.  To really learn a culture (and Chinese is an interesting one), learning the language is a must.

 

5/ Learning Chinese will be a career advantage

Career advantages for learning Chinese are numerous.  The ability to communicate to over one billion people has major value in the job marketplace. Of course, this includes companies in China and other Mandarin speaking countries. But companies all around the world are striving to tap into the Chinese marketplace, and you’ll immediately differentiate yourself if you can speak Mandarin.

 

6/ It’s really an art class

Chinese characters are made up of multiple components that fit together to create meaning and pronunciation. As children will mostly be learning pictographs and characters that have clearer visual meaning, characters become mini pictures. This can make learning characters a lot more fun and easier for children to both remember the characters by creating stories and writing by constructing pictures for each one. 

 

7/ Your child will become bilingual in Chinese in a way they never could have otherwise

Immersion is the most efficient (and some would say the only) way to gain fluency in a target language, and Mandarin Chinese is no exception. The Chinese language is often considered one of the world’s most difficult languages to learn, but this sentiment is a major oversimplification. Like any language, learning Chinese has its challenges. Placing your child in an ideal learning environment is key to learning Chinese. 

 

8/ Mandarin contributes to developing stronger Math skills

Yes, there is actually a scientific correlation between learning Mandarin and improved mathematical ability. Scientists theorize that because Mandarin representation of numbers is less abstract than Arabic numbers, and because the act of practicing handwriting requires repeated counting, young children gain greater familiarity with math and with numeric thinking. In learning Mandarin, the mathematical concepts are integral to the language fluency, and not a separate subject activating a different part of the brain.

 

Because Mandarin Chinese involves learning language, sounds, drawing, and math all at once, it activates more regions of the brain and improves cognitive development overall, even in adults. In fact, speakers of Mandarin use more of their brain more of the time, unlike English speakers who tend to alternate between left and right hemispheres. In theory, this more balanced brain could lead to greater overall creativity, enhanced problem-solving, and increased emotional intelligence.

 

9/ Mandarin helps having a better interpretation of symbols

Since Mandarin writing relies on thousands of characters, learners of Mandarin Chinese have to read and interpret a vast number of visual symbols, activating more regions of the brain than English, which relies on a phonetic alphabet. Through learning Mandarin, children can become more adept at visual communication, more readily interpreting symbols in visual art and understanding nuances in symbolism and visual communication.

 

10/ Speaking Mandarin may offer kids a musical edge

Kids who speak Mandarin may outperform kids who speak English in at least one aspect of musical ability — perceiving pitch. Pitch refers to how high or low a sound’s frequency is. In tonal languages, such as Mandarin, pitch is very important. These languages use different pitch patterns to give meaning to words.

 

10 Reasons Why You Should Choose French Immersion For Your Children

Why encourage your child to learn French? So they can order pommes de terre at La Bouche Café with a perfect accent? Well, maybe. But that’s not the only reason. There are more benefits to learning French than showcasing your language skills in a fancy restaurant. French is a versatile language with wide-ranging benefits. Below are some of the top reasons your child should study French.

 

Foreign language study leads to improved academic performance in all subjects, improves a student’s ability to focus, and provides priceless opportunities to study foreign cultures. But you might ask yourself, “Why French?” Or rather, “Pourquoi le Français?”

 

1/It is a “world language”

More than 300 million people speak French on the five continents. The OIF, an international organisation of French-speaking countries, comprises 88 member States and governments. French is the second most widely learned foreign language after English, and the fifth most widely spoken language in the world.

 

French is also the only language, alongside English, that is taught in every country in the world. France operates the biggest international network of cultural institutes, which run French-language courses for close to a million learners.

 

2/It is an asset on the international job market

The ability to speak French and English is an advantage on the international job market. A knowledge of French opens the doors of French companies in France and other French-speaking parts of the world (Canada, Switzerland, Morocco, Tunisia, and Algeria and many other nations in Africa). As one of the world’s largest economies and a leading destination for foreign investment, France is a key economic partner.

 

3/It is an introduction to an incomparable cultural universe

French is the international language of cooking, fashion, theatre, the visual arts, dance and architecture. A knowledge of French offers access to great works of literature in the original French, as well as films and songs. French is the language of Victor Hugo, Molière, Léopold Sendar Senghor, Edith Piaf, Jean-Paul Sartre, Alain Delon and Zinedine Zidane!

 

4/It is useful during travels

France is the world’s top tourist destination and attracts more than 87 million visitors a year. The ability to speak even a little French makes it so much more enjoyable to visit Paris and all the regions of France, and offers insights into France’s culture and way of life. French also comes in handy when travelling to French-speaking parts of the world.

 

5/It guarantees a high standard of teaching

French teachers are renowned for their dynamic, inventive approach and high expectations. Since French has a reputation for excellence, students tend to be highly motivated and attain a high level of proficiency. France also plays an active role in providing in-service training for French teachers abroad so that the courses delivered are always of a high standard. Here at Tessa, our teachers are following additional training with the Mission Laique Francaise. 

 

6/It opens additional doors in higher education

Speaking French opens up opportunities to study at renowned French universities and business schools, ranked among the top higher education institutions in Europe and the world.

 

7/After English, it is the other language of international relations

French is both a working language and an official language of the United Nations, the European Union, UNESCO, NATO, the International Olympic Committee, the International Red Cross and international courts. French is the language of the three cities where the EU institutions are headquartered: Strasbourg, Brussels and Luxembourg.

 

8/It will increase job opportunities and salary potential

Knowledge of a second language is essential in over 60 occupations. According to Bloomberg Rankings, French is the second most useful language in the world for business. And if speaking French is an uncommon skill (as it is in the US), the person who speaks French becomes more valuable.

 

9/It makes it easier to learn other languages

French is a good base for learning other languages, especially Romance languages (Spanish, Italian, Portuguese and Romanian) as well as English, since a significant percentage of English vocabulary is derived from French.

 

10/Some call it the language of love and reason!

First and foremost, learning French is the pleasure of learning a beautiful, rich, melodious language that is often called the language of love. French is also an analytical language that structures thought and develops critical thinking, which is a valuable skill for discussions and negotiations.

 

Tessa International School’s mission is to prepare children to be bilingual, happy world citizens and productive leaders of the 21st century. At Tessa, children are introduced to other languages and cultures from Preschool (2 years old) and up to 5th Grade. Contact us now to discuss your child’s bilingual education!

The Benefits of Creative Thinking and How to Encourage it in Children

The Benefits of Creative Thinking and How to Encourage it in Children

When it comes to a child’s developmental process, few things can be as crucial to healthy progression as fostering creative thinking. While your child’s imagination and creativity may seem like nothing more than play time, activities that encourage this type of thinking and activity are helping your child to build a solid foundation for innovation and self-confidence. These factors considered, the benefits of creative thinking are quite simply, exponential.

How Creative Thinking Boosts Childhood Development

You may think your child’s imagination activities are an important “break” from learning in a more structured activity like school lessons – and, in a sense, they are – but the truth is, these creative activities are much more crucial to your child’s development than you may realize. Creative activities have so many developmental benefits, including:

  • Self-expression – this helps your child learn how to express their feelings and thoughts from an early age.
  • Problem-solving – by being allowed to freely explore their creative ideas, children gain valuable problem-solving skills as they try new ideas.
  • Curiosity and experimentation – ingenuity is born where curiosity and experimentation are merged, and that begins with creative thinking activities!
  • Insight – in addition to helping your child’s development within themselves, creative expression and activities allow parents and teachers to take a unique look inside your child’s mind. This provides an invaluable tool for tailoring teaching techniques and staying in tune with your child’s development and emotions.

Ways to Encourage Creative Thinking

Now that we’ve seen the enormous beneficial gains that come from encouraging free play and creative thinking, let’s take a look at ways in which we can provide ample opportunities for our kids to partake in them. One of the easiest (and most often thought of) ways for children to use creative thinking is with art. Drawing, painting, and coloring provide an excellent medium for kids to express their imaginations and emotions.

While drawing and painting may be the most popular activity to use to encourage creative thinking, it is, by far, not the only form of self-expression. In fact, many children may not show any interest in the activity at all. In order to truly encourage this type of development, it’s imperative that you take the time to truly listen to your child and focus on what does interest them. Creative thinking activities come in many shapes and sizes, such as:

  • Modeling clay, putty, play dough, and other moldable mediums for sculpting
  • Piano, drums, violin, singing, and any other form of musical play and interpretation
  • Hiking, exploring, and nature or history-inspired trips
  • Photography
  • Chalk drawings (other than traditional paper)
  • Shadow puppets and shape experimenting with lights
  • Mixed media baskets (allow child to create items on their own with miscellaneous and unrelated objects such as cardboard, paper clips, buttons, etc.)

Long-Term Benefits to Imaginative Play

The possibilities for creative thinking and imaginative play are practically endless. The benefits of such play are equally endless. Foster your child’s ingenuity and build up their self-confidence levels as well as help them to develop healthy forms of self-expression with one simple activity: creative thinking.

The Private School Advantage: Why you should consider an Independent School for your Child

The pandemic has changed education forever, and  more families are seeking out schools that are fully in-person rather than remote. As of mid-October, 6 in 10 independent schools were operating in-person and just 5% were fully online, according to a survey by the National Association of Independent Schools.

Tessa International School is open –on-site with virtual class options. Thanks to our dedicated staff, our day-time and night crew cleaners, and to the collaboration of our families, we maintain a safe environment for our community. Since reopening in June, we’ve put in place and continually improve strict cleaning protocols as well as social distancing measures. Most of all, communication with and among our community has resulted in Tessa staying safe.

This flexibility is only one of the reasons that make Independent Schools so special. Here are 8 more reasons why you should think about sending your child to private school:

1. Independence in the truest sense of the word.

Independent school teachers have the freedom to create educational experiences that meet each child’s needs.

  • Guided by the International Baccalaureate, the requirements of the NJ department of Education and European / Chinese standards, our program at Tessa reflects our philosophy, our knowledge and experience. We review and revise it annually, keeping it relevant, challenging and engaging for our students.

2. Mission-driven education.

Each independent school is driven by its own unique philosophy, values, and approach to teaching.

  • At Tessa, through understanding and respect, we aim to develop inquiring, knowledgeable and caring children. We prepare our students to be leaders of the future that they will live in and happy world citizens.

3. High academic standards.

Independent schools nurture intellectual curiosity, stimulate personal growth, encourage critical thinking, and promote a lifelong love of learning.
  • At Tessa, we provide a world-class education, based on the most successful international models. We emphasize social emotional development of children in conjunction with strong academic challenge.

4. Small classes that allow for individual attention.

Low student-teacher ratios encourage close connections between instructors and students.
  • Our Adult to Child Ratios do not exceed 1:5 in Nursery, 1:7 in Preschool, 1:10 in Kindergarten and Primary.

5. Excellent teachers.

Independent school instructors teach in their areas of expertise. They strive to develop a full understanding of each student’s learning style, interests, and motivation.
  • Our teachers are all native speakers in the target-language. We are very proud to be part of a multi-cultural community of energetic, experienced education professionals who are open-minded and deeply invested in their work.

6. Education for the whole child.

In addition to academics, independent schools also nurture students’ personal and social growth and civic conscience.
  • The “Tessa Touch” is what makes our school different: In addition to our academic core, we incorporate values, a “savoir vivre” to our curriculum. These include table manners, celebrating diversity, caring for the environment…

7. Inclusiveness.

Independent schools foster diverse and vibrant student communities that welcome and respect every family.
  • Here at Tessa, we are very proud of the many cultures – 33 different cultural backgrounds – in our staff and community. This wonderful mix of backgrounds, along with our curriculum is what makes our school, and your child’s education, truly international – and special!

8. A community of parents who actively participate in their children’s education. 

As a parent, you can actively engage in your student’s education, because the staff and teachers want and value your participation.
  • The Parent Organization plays a vital role in Tessa International School’s community-building efforts. It is the School’s and PO’s joint mission to build a cohesive, global-minded community and work together to make a difference in every child.

Private schools create an environment where your child can develop intellectually, emotionally and socially. Parents who value small class sizes, increased safety, a connected community and dedicated teachers find that private schools are a good fit for their child and provide an optimal education experience.

To set your child up for academic success, consider enrolling in private school. Send us a message or call us at (201) 755-5585. We are happy to answer your questions, and we look forward to speaking with you. To learn more about our school, please join us for a virtual information session, or schedule a private tour.

Do Children Really Need to Attend Preschool?

Do Children Really Need to Attend Preschool?

If your child is nearing the preschool age, you’ve likely had quite a few questions regarding whether or not they’re ready – or even if they need to attend at all. Many parents wonder about the significance of the earliest educational experiences and contemplate the overall value of sending their children to preschool programs. Luckily, this is a topic which has had a great deal of research and studies done providing plenty of information to help answer your questions. So, do children really need to attend preschool?

Early Education Development

The short answer to the question is no, children do not have to attend preschool, however, research has shown that children who do attend early educational programs have a much higher rate of success during their older school years. To put it simply, children who participate in pre-k programs learn invaluable lessons and keystone elements that help them ease into their next-level education experiences.  

“Children who attend preschool are more likely to have long-term educational success, attend post high school education and even have a higher income in their careers,” explains Michigan State University Extension’s Early Childhood Development experts.

Pre-School Benefits

With so much research pointing toward the benefits of attending preschool, it’s no wonder the early educational experience is so highly regarded today – but just what are the benefits of pre-k? According to the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC), some of the most important benefits gained by children during pre-k programs are considered the building blocks for later learning.

While you may think the earliest programs are all about play time (and there certainly is a lot of that involved), your children are learning highly valuable skills that will prepare them for the future. Preschool play and lessons are focused on helping children develop social skills, hone their physical coordination and motor skills, and learn to manage emotions as well as gain listening and communication skills. Even further, children will also gain problem-solving skills and begin to grasp early reading and math comprehension as well as how to work with others to reach a common goal. All of which are lessons that will serve to help them thrive in their later educational years.

How to Know When They’re Ready

Since there are no set standards for when to attend preschool, it’s generally up to parents to determine the best time to send their child. Most programs cater to children aged 3 to 5, though some can begin as early as 2 depending on the area. How long your child attends will also depend on you – 1 to 2 years is the most typical choice today.

In general, your child can be considered ready for preschool programs once they have mastered certain basic skills at home. Most pre-k programs prefer your child be able to use the restroom on their own before entering a class but tend to be fairly open otherwise. If you’re considering sending your child to preschool and feel your child is ready, here is a look at some of the long-term benefits of preschool.

Does Bilingualism Lead to Language and Speech Delays?

Does Bilingualism Lead to Language and Speech Delays?

Chances are, if your child is actively learning a second language at a young age, it’s with high hopes that they will someday become proficient bilinguals. Let’s face it, parents don’t generally enroll children in dual language studies without the desire for them to one day become fluent in multiple languages. Along the path, however, are some key questions and even concerns that should be addressed in order to give a child the best chance at achieving true bilingualism.

Will Bilingualism Cause Speech Delays?

One of the biggest questions parents of young children face when considering a second language for their child early on is – will bilingualism cause speech delays? The concern is a valid one to address since no parent wants to inhibit the learning path of their child by any means.

While many children often display what appears to be speech delays when exposed to dual languages, it’s important to note these pauses are not delays in learning. On the contrary, when a child takes pause to consider which language to use at which time, they are actually beginning to show a mastery of both languages. The “pause” or “delay” is a sign their minds are processing the information and learning not only the language cues, but also, to problem solve and compartmentalize simultaneously.

Does Multiple Language Learning Cause Confusion?

Often times children who are learning a second language may pull words from both languages in regular conversation. This “mix up” may be seen as confusion to some, but it’s actually a sign of high cognitive functionality and impressive progress. Since children are operating on a smaller vocabulary than adults, they often need to rely on tried-and-true words to describe things they don’t yet understand. By pulling other words, they are showing they understand a cross-correlation which will help them to eventually pull together a more complete picture.

“One misunderstood behavior, which is often taken as evidence for confusion, is when bilingual children mix words from two languages in the same sentence. This is known as code mixing. In fact, code mixing is a normal part of bilingual development, and bilingual children actually have good reasons to code mix,” explains the U.S. National Library of Medicine’s National Institutes of Health.

Should You Wait to Introduce a Second Language?

Many parents consider postponing bilingual studies until their child is older and believed to be more equipped to study a second language. The belief with this is that they want their child to master one language first before introducing them to another. While this may sound plausible in theory, in order to have the best chance at fluid bilingualism, most researchers agree it’s actually best to introduce multiple languages as early as possible.

Since our brains are poised best for learning at an early age, it makes sense to introduce more learning possibilities early on. As we age, our minds evolve and begin to adapt to several environmental factors as well as physical determinants that change our ability to learn new topics. In other words, the older we get, the more our minds work against us in our ability to pick up new concepts as easily as we did when we were younger.

So, what does all of this mean? Essentially, if you’re concerned about inhibiting your child’s ability to learn by introducing a second language early on, don’t be. Research shows that the earlier and the more frequently children are exposed to dual languages, the higher their chance becomes of being fluent in both later in life.

How to Continue Your Child’s Bilingual Learning at Home

How to Continue Your Child’s Bilingual Learning at Home

When it comes to language learning, many parents often wonder how they can help their children become more proficient in their comprehension. In many cases, students will often struggle to pick up new language cues and improve fluidity of bilingualism if their studies don’t extend beyond the classroom. In fact, in order to obtain true bilingual capabilities, children require an immense amount of exposure to the languages – exposure that extends well beyond the classroom. So how can you help your child continue bilingual learning at home?

Bilingual Learning at Home

It’s well-known that pediatricians and early education professionals have long supported the relationship between reading and communication with language skills in young children. Parents are encouraged to both read to their children and interact with them directly as much as possible in order to expand their child’s language understanding. The same is true for learning a second language.

The key to expanding a child’s understanding of bilingualism is exposure – lots of exposure – to both the native and second language. Since language learning does not stop once your child leaves their classroom, parents should be continuing the learning at home by incorporating the second language as frequently as possible in the home life. This can be done by reading books, playing games, following recipes native to that language, or even just simply in regular conversations with their children.

Hands-on Learning, Not Screen-Time Learning

It’s important to understand there is a major distinction between direct bilingual exposure at home and that picked up by screen time. While certain online activities can help boost a child’s basic understanding of language, true fluidity is only possible by frequent submersion in the language itself. In other words, talk with your children in meaningful, bilingual conversations, or read to them directly to give them the most proficient means of immersion.  

“In order to foster language development, the exposure has to be person-to-person; screen-time doesn’t count for learning language in young children – even one language – though kids can learn content and vocabulary from educational screen-time later on,” explains the NY Times in report of pediatrician recommendations on bilingual language learning at home.

Plenty of Language Exposure and Patience

With language learning, the best thing parents can do for their child’s learning process is to continue the language education at home by increasing their child’s exposure to the linguistics. There are virtually unlimited ways in which parents can do this, as mentioned above, but also, home submersion isn’t the only aspect to keep in mind when helping children grasp bilingualism.

No matter the age, bilingual individuals will always have a tendency to combine, or mix-up, their languages from time to time and children are no exception. Parents need to keep in mind that their child will need plenty of patience during the bilingual learning process, as well as the ability to not get discouraged when languages get mixed. This is normal and all a part of the learning process. In fact, experts say that language “mix-ups” are actually a sign of a deeper understanding of bilingualism and considered a sign that individuals are truly grasping the second language when this happens.

Above all, parents who want to help their child expand their bilingual learning at home need to take an active role in helping them do so. Frequent and fluent language interactions in both languages will help continue the submersion outside of the classroom while patience and encouragement during the learning process will help them gain the confidence they need to continue their learning even further.

What to do When Your Child Is Being Bullied

What to do When Your Child Is Being Bullied

With the majority of schools today participating in at least some form of anti-bullying policies, most parents have been made aware of the movement to stomp out the aggressive behavior. While we may be more actively approaching bully behavior today, many may still be uncertain of what to do when your child is being bullied.

Classic Bullying Behavior

When we think of classic bullying behavior, we usually envision things like stolen lunch money or toys, bruises or other signs of fighting, or clothing being ripped or destroyed. These things are considered aggressive bullying and usually fairly easy to spot. Unfortunately, bullying goes unnoticed often times because it rarely fits into this category.

Less Obvious Bullying Behavior

Bullying is usually thought of as mean-spirited behavior that is manifested through physical and verbal means. The truth is, however, bullying behavior can take on many different forms – it isn’t always taunting, teasing, or physically fighting.

While it’s certainly true that scenarios involving pushing, picking, yelling, and teasing are examples of classic bully behavior, there are other, less obvious forms of bullying as well. Often times, kids can experience the effects of bullying by way of being ignored by their peers, being left out of games and functions, and even things like whispering, and note passing.

“More often than not… bullying is difficult to spot. Most kids don’t come home from school saying, ‘I’m being bullied every day by these three kids and I’m really scared and unhappy,’” explains PBS.org.

Are There Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied?

Knowing that the signs of bullying aren’t always easy to identify, one of the best things a parent can do to help their child is to know what behavior warrants anti-bullying tactics. This may seem easier said than done, but by understanding warning signs in your child, you can help stop bullying in its tracks.

So, just what are these warning signs? Similar to the signs of bullying, there are more obvious signs your child is being bullied, as well as less obvious signs. Paying attention to your child’s behavior versus what they are verbally communicating is key to getting through a rough time.

Most Obvious Signs

The most obvious signs a child is dealing with a bully at school (or on the bus, playground, or even neighborhood after hours) are usually physical signs. Aggressive bullying is often the culprit of these type of signs and can include things like a disheveled appearance when they should otherwise be presentable, physical scars and bruises or bleeding, and complaints of aches and pains with no rational explanation for them.

Since kids don’t usually tell you when they’ve had an altercation with another child, it’s usually up to the parents to pay attention to their physical appearance. This can also include their attitude – a sudden change in attitude that involves crankiness or irritability can often point toward a bullying scenario as well.

Less Obvious Signs

If your child isn’t coming home with bruises or torn clothing, but you still feel like something is “off” with them, don’t discount bullying yet. As we mentioned earlier, there are many forms bullying can take and, as such, there are many forms their reactions can take.

Some of the less obvious signs your child is dealing with a bully can include being withdrawn, a loss of interest in things they previously loved to do, and seeming sad or depressed upon coming home. Other signs to watch out for include a change in their appetite – usually a loss of interest in eating altogether, trouble sleeping (night terrors and bad dreams included), and frequent ailments like headaches or stomach aches.

Major Red Flags

There are a wide range of signs and symptoms of bullying – all of which need addressed as soon as possible – but some may require much more immediate attention. Depending upon the individual situation, children will handle a bullying experience in their own way; however, certain behaviors should always be taken seriously as soon as they surface.

If your child’s school performance begins to change – this is a huge red flag that something is off with them, usually relating to a person or situation at school. Other major red flags that should be addressed immediately include visible signs of fear or panic when they are faced with a task (anxiety over riding the bus or fear for going to class, for example), or any form of discussion involving loss of life or suicide. Noticing any of these behaviors warrants direct and swift attention by parents and teachers.

What to do When Your Child Is Being Bullied

If you’ve noticed your child experiencing any of the above-mentioned signs of being bullied, you’re likely wondering what you can do to help them put a stop to the situation. For a parent, watching their child go through a bullying situation can be one of the most heartbreaking and difficult things to witness. Often times parents wind up feeling helpless or can end up taking steps that may make things worse for their child by accident. So how do you know what to do?

In many cases, schools and other childhood educational and care facilities will have their own form of anti-bullying policies already in place. A look through their school handbook or a discussion with their direct-care professionals can help lead you on the right path for helping your child. Outside of this, there are certain things parents can do to ensure they are taking the right steps to combat their child’s bullying experience.

Anti-Bullying Behavior at Home

There are several things parents can do at home, outside of an anti-bullying policy at school, that will help children get through being bullied. For starters, the most important thing is for parents to be vigilant about monitoring their children’s behaviors so they can quickly spot any of the signs of bullying.

Other steps parents can take to be proactive about bullying:

  • Talk to your child: ask them how things are going, share with them what you’ve noticed and gauge their response.
  • Ask, don’t assume: we may be tempted to ask them what they did to warrant a certain behavior, this can lead them to believe the bullying is warranted.
  • Talk with others in their lives: speak with others who are near your child during the bullying situations and have them help determine a “safe” person they can go to when they feel bullied.

Overall, the best thing you can do for your child if you suspect they are the victim of bullying, is to be their ally. Know what to watch for, make sure you reiterate with them that you are always there, and equip them with the tools to overcome the situation by giving them a safe space or a safe person to go to when needed.

Visible Learning – How Can Parents Help at Home?

A core belief at Tessa International School is that all of our teachers should continually improve our teaching practices. Over the summer I read a book that is receiving a lot of praise from renowned educators:  10 Mindframes for Visible Learning: Teaching for Success by John Hattie and Klaus Zierer.


Unlike many books devoted to pedagogy, Hattie and Zierer used scientific-based evidence (for example, several meta studies) to determine ten key ‘mindframes’ for excellent teachers.

One simple take-away for teachers:  instead of going into a classroom and asking oneself, ‘How can I be a great teacher?’ or ‘How can my students learn the best?’ 10 Mindframes suggests that teachers should say to themselves:  ‘My job here is to evaluate my impact on my students.’

I invite you now to reflect when you were a child:  which teachers made the greatest impact on you?  Why?  Which moments with your parents impacted you the most?  Why?  How can you make similar impactful moments on your own child?

As a parent of a 4 year-old and a 2 year-old and a teacher myself, I often ask myself how we as parents (whether we have education backgrounds or not) can help our children become better learners and world citizens.  So I have written a few suggestions for parents who wish to make learning more impactful for students, based on many of the mindframes.

1. I am an evaluator of my impact on my child’s learning

As a parent you have a tremendous impact on your children. Do you occasionally reflect upon the memories that you are making during ‘teachable moments?’ As an example, my family and I just moved all of our belongings from house to another. Needless to say–it was an intense two days and there was a fair share of unexpected moments. My children were a part of the moving process and they saw moments that were a bit, shall we say….frustrating?  As my wife and I occasionally got discombobulated I remained very aware that my children are learning how to deal with frustration—from us.

Your children, especially if they are young, are learning so much…from you! Are you evaluating the impact you are making on your child on a day to day basis?

2. I collaborate with my peers about my conceptions of progress and my impact

Do you consult other parents from time to time, or are you so confident that you are the best parent in the world that you never need to speak to anyone?  In my humble opinion, having an open mind, key to the IB Learner Profile, is extremely important to becoming a better parent. Just because something worked with you as a child, for example, doesn’t mean that it will necessarily work the same way on your own child. As an aside, I’d like to suggest that you check out a fascinating review of a book that compares parenting styles in France, the US, and Peru here

As a general rule, the biggest issue that I see with American parenting is ‘helicopter parenting.’ Giving your children opportunities to take risks is extremely important. And check out Erika Christakis’s The Importance of Being Little if you want some advice on this.

3. I am a change agent and believe my child can improve

Do you have fixed beliefs about your child?  ‘My son is great at… singing, but not so good at sports.’ Have you ever said or thought something like this? Though these observations and ‘rules-of-thumb’ may at times be helpful to you to better understand your child, you also might be making assumptions that simply are not true. And why would such assumptions be bad?  Well, if your child implicitly knows that he or she is not good at ‘x’ or is not meant to be ‘x,’ then guess what? He might just stop trying entirely to be ‘x.’ And he may only be two years old!

4.  I strive to provide my child with challenge and not merely have him or her do his or her best

Teachers often learn about Lev Vygotsky’s concept of the Zone of Proximal Development during teacher training.  This fancy-sounding concept is essentially the idea of giving every child just the right balance of challenge and support. Do you give your children too much support?  This is often what I see as an educator when I watch parent-child interactions.  Don’t be afraid to challenge your children. Personally, I have learned the most when I was suddenly on my own with a challenge. Remember the first time you drove a car on your own?  How you suddenly knew, ‘This is real.’ And how quickly you learned a million things?  The same is true with children.

5. I give feedback and help my child understand it, and I interpret and act on feedback given to me

Do you give your child specific feedback relating to the way he or she acts?  Manners such as saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ for instance, don’t come naturally to children. When you see your child acting politely or impolitely, do you give him specific feedback?

6. I engage as much in dialogue as monologue

Are you ‘the rule of law’ in your home, or do you give your children choice?  Naturally, not everything can be a choice. But do you listen to your children when they say what they like or don’t like?

7. I build relationships and trust so that learning can occur, where it is safe to make mistakes and learn from others

How is your relationship with your child?  What could you do to improve it?

8. I identify and build on my child’s prior experiences and initial learning level

 

Do you make connections to other things that have happened to your child?  For instance, if you have been on vacation with your child sometime in the past, and see something that reminds you of this event, do you help the child make the connection?  In a way, this relates to the teaching concept of spiraling. This is the idea that in the classroom you always return and review what you have learned previously. Imagine teaching your child a concept such as octagon.  You look at Stop signs, you draw them, and your child really understands what an octagon is. Do you ever bring up the topic of octagon again or do you assume that your child knows what it is without reinforcing it?  Naturally, you bring it back.   

I hope that some of these suggestions can help you be an even more awesome parent than you are now! 

Here is to a great year at Tessa International School!

 

Join us at Tessa International School

Discover why our bilingual curriculum is recognized as one of the best. Learn how we combine academic excellence with engaging, interactive experiences that foster global awareness.

Join us at Tessa International School

Discover why our bilingual curriculum is recognized as one of the best. Learn how we combine academic excellence with engaging, interactive experiences that foster global awareness.

Tessa International School

Office: (201) 755-5585 | Location: 720 Monroe St. Hoboken, NJ 07030